Anxiety

Anxiety is like a prison sometimes. For me, I believe it is because I am so alone now, since Ace kicked me out. And what does not help is that I am finding out that now that I am in crisis, people I thought cared about me, people I thought were my friends are too concerned with their own crap to care about mine. One even went so far as to say they just want to be happy and do not care who they have to step on to get that. What kind of BS is that? Who says that? Who would admit to such a thing other than a cold unfeeling monster? A selfish self centered horrible unkind person, I wager. One I thought was a completely different person, apparently. 

I feel so all alone now and it is really starting to get to me. November 1st will make 3 months since he kicked me out. He's now with this girl with the body of a stripper. I am in my own private hell, and I have begun having massive panic attacks again. Its horrible. And now that my best friend has turned her back on me because she is too busy trying to be with this guy or that guy, and actually lied to me more than once about talking to ACE... not sure about why, horrible possibilities have crossed my mind that I do not want to think about now... I feel like I basically have almost nobody to talk to. I am very grateful for my one friend (let's call her Jessie for the purpose of this story), however, who is on my side. Lately i think she is really the only person who really truly ever understands how I am feeling.